Weird Western Monsters – Part 3 (Steam Machines and Clockwork Fiends)

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NEXT STOP, WESTWORLD, ALL A-beep-boop-beep!

I’ve seen plenty of things in my day, but none of them involved these divines darned machines taking over the place.  I work for a living and some oiled up rust bucket won’t replace me!  I’m a representation of the great folk who live here, at least out in Cascading Ridge, a real oasis if I do say!  Now the place is probably gonna smell of bad oil.  I’m gonna file a grievance to the mayor about this.  I won’t be replaced!
– Gristle Pete, deceased cook for the Cascading Ridge Saloon and former miner.

“Shame about ol’ Pete.  But, rumor has it that there’s an order hunting down folks who steal a fine explosive powder filled with magic.  I heard Pete’s been hoarding it like something fierce.  Plus, no machine can shoot with that level of precision, that bullet hole between the eyes?  That’s masterwork!  Hmm, certainly the act of an elite gunslinger, the wound is still somewhat fresh.  I’d say maybe a couple of days old.”
– Jeanette P. Hoffman, Human Smokepowder Shootist, “Wandering Medical Examiner”.

The machines, they seem to be popping up everywhere.  As long as there’s some hack scientist with some kinda idea, something automated will appear soon after.  Gristle Pete, the saloon’s mad cook got strung up by something a couple of weeks ago after babbling about “automatons replacing him”.  Poor ol’ loon.  Plus, the owner of the bar seems a bit toooo friendly with his top of the line automaton staff, it’s downright disgusting.  Plus, you got the mechanical miners too.  Ol’ Pete used to be a miner once, ya know?  No wonder he’s paranoid.  Keep your distance from one of those wandering tin cans, if ya know what’s good.

Author’s Note: Machines, constructs, robots!  I always love crafting something like that.  Hell, I did an entire post dedicated to robots before.  Plus, what better way to celebrate the Fourth of July than with some crazy, volatile machines!

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Time Marches On: Bizarre Bazaar – The Spark of Innovation! (Part 1)

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Once again, you find yourself in a familiar store.  However, everything looks chrome… very chrome.  It’s sleek, it’s bright, everything looks angular.  Strange lights illuminate the silver shaded corridor leading to a somewhat familiar cashier stand.  Instead of the lovable traveling monk is some kind of mechanical humanoid.  Components grind and chirp as it takes notice to you.  “Designation: GREETINGS!  Operation: SALES, X = Promotion, go to X.  What items are you seeking today, Occupation: Adventurers?”  The illuminated metal humanoid seems to be ushering you around the renovated shop.  “The specialty of Location: Bizarre Bazaar is adventure equipment, mostly involving arms and armory.  DISCLAIMER:  Some items are inherently restricted and will require proper documentation in order to receive them.  Items can be delivered to a proper base of operations, if need be.  Do any Ocupation: Adventurers have any inquiries?”

Author’s Note:  Time marches on, even for Zam’Dul!  I’m back doing one of my favorite segments.  This time, I’m doing a much needed update to tech items and magitech!  Here is an assortment of techno items from past and present!  Also, these operate similarly to enchanted magical items and contain similar properties as a result.  Keep a look out for scattered pop culture references… which are revealed in the tags.  Also, this is one of my longer ones!

If interested, you can find the Performance Boosting Exo-Suit and the Force Field Coil Armor here, the Crystal Ray Gun here and the Flight Pack here

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June Blog Carnival – Bizarre Bazaar – Magitech!

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Why hello-li-lo-li-lo!  The name is Jermaine!  Funny name for a guy like me, I know, but I’m the one and only!  I know what you’re about to say… What am I?  Don’t worry, I am not offended, not in the very least!  I love to talk about myself!  I am of the Arcane and I am here to serve you.  These robes I wear, they are ceremonial, for the high holy act of commerce and trade; a sacred practice among my people.  My people have scoured wild space, the planes, the multiverse, you name it; we have visited it!  Many like me collect all sorts of oddities for my “bizarre bazaar”.

Unlike that barmy star berk, I assure you that my wares are much safer… and much fairer of a price.  My associates procure a wide variety of simply marvelous items from all over all known realities, the price you pay matches the story and the piece!  Now, what is my specialty?  Why, I collect and craft technological crafts empowered by The Art…  That’s “magic” for the clueless out there.  I’ve rambled far too long…  So my lovely observers, do you see anything you like?  Hmmm?  …  Oh, and one more thing!  No refunds, a merchant has to make a handful of jink somehow.  Ya hear me, baby?

Author’s Note: I’m back with another contribution to the RPG Blog Carnival!  This month’s theme is gonzo cross-genre gaming, hosted by Cross-Planes!  Find out more HERE.  Also, stay tuned for my theme post next month!

If there is one thing I love, it’s magitech!  Sure, most of my planar items count as this already, but I wanted to try something new.  In fact, I made a new shopkeeper narrator for the occasion as well!  (Don’t worry, Zam’dul isn’t going anywhere, Jermaine promises this!)  Here’s a sampling of technomagical devices for your games!  And yes, Scaramouche from the Samurai Jack miniseries inspired Jermaine the Arcane.  I also went a little crazy on these, so they might be a tad unstable.

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