Internet Trash Spells

Memes.  They’re garbage.  But, we love them… for some reason.  Sometimes such ideas spread so fast, as per the theory that named them, that they reach other planes.  Such planar scholars witness these cross-dimensional ideas and sculpt them into something else entirely.  And thus, new spells are created from what started as a simple idea!  These mad sages have provided four of their latest creations.

Author’s Note:  Sure, I’ve done stuff like this in the past…  But, why did I do this?  Also, these spells are likely unbalanced, as they were made as spur of the moment jokes.

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Muscle Wizard – An Absurist Wizard School for D&D 5th Edition

No explanation needed

Some wizards are driven by specific arcane studies, while others want to augment an aspect of life or society through the powers of magic.  And then there’s others that want magic to augment their bodies in a unique way.  Some suggest the monks are driven to alter themselves through spiritual teachings.  Many mages have witnessed their teachings and have applied similar principles to magical study.  And thus, the “Muscle Wizard” was born.

To a Muscle Wizard, physical fitness is just as important as mastering arcane studies.  While they are not as enduring as warriors, the Muscle Wizard is just as extraordinary in their ability to dish out absolute physical punishment on top of magical craft.  Many go on to become mentors for those who wish to fuse martial prowess with arcane arts.  In fact, they’re among the first attempts at doing so.  However, their history likely goes back to trade lines between mageocratic settlements meeting with monks who ended up sharing disciplines, philosophies and spiritual teachings.  As the two concepts began to mingle, they merged into a style all their own.  While not as able to master spiritual disciplines of the self and not as able to master specific aspects of magic, this arcane school is more than happy to throw a magical fist in the face of anyone who dares to belittle it.


Author’s Note:  WE TAKE A BREAK FROM OUR GOTHIC THEME FOR AN IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN!  Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone!  As always, I love making absurdist and silly posts every year.  And by all means, this one is no exception.  Originally, I was creating a hybrid of the Fighter and Monk to create a more martial and less mystical brawler class for 5E.  Sadly, that idea fell apart.  A ways later, I decided to make a mock write up for the Muscle Wizard as a joke.  Somehow, the meme stuck and became this year’s April Fools post.  How about that?

That said, a word of warning.  This subclass was tinkered with on a whim, rather than made with absolute balance in mind.  Because of that, it might be a tad on the unbalanced side… a sort of beefed up Bladesinger if you will.  Needless to say, I might revisit this at some point and use it as inspiration.


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