The Cage brings plenty of types, from all walks of life. If they can actually take the time, they drop being Clueless and are one of the regulars… so to speak. Those who complain otherwise are quick to forget that their ancestors were likely Primers. None the less, take a walk around and you’ll see and read plenty. It’s more than enough to tell one where the Chant may lie or where one can get a solid bub glass, maybe a cut of quick jink. So, welcome fair travelers. And welcome to my services as a faithful Tout.
Author’s Note: I wanted to do a quick one-off. Basically, letters, ads and more from Sigil in the style of stuff seen in the books.
IMAGINE A GLORIOUS FUTURE OF HIGH TECHNOLOGY!
The Rust War needs you, Organic! Creatures of your realm have referred to us as “The Sheens”. We are a superior species of mechanical entities. We pride ourselves in absolute logic, adherence to orderly programming and general acceptable methodology. In these times of crisis, creatures of flesh are necessary to fend off our greatest menace, the Chaos Parodies known as the denizens of “Augmental”. With your aid, we can bring true order unheard of even in Mechanus. Should you be weary and suspicious, let our Planar Corps assure you that this is a just cause. These incredible beings were people like you, upgraded with some of the finest works that the dimensional space known as “The Machine Cyst” has to offer.
What is the Augmental? It is a realm of horrors, a project of Rogue Modrons who have succumbed to the deepest depths of planar insanity. It is where machinery is corrupted by foul chaos beasts in the name of the Abyss, or even worse. The creatures here are the Biomechanicals, perversions of both inorganic and organic. In an attempt for these fallen Modrons to create creatures like on the Prime, something went wrong. The end result was a confused and convoluted population of deranged automatons. Being dragged into the depths of depravity was inevitable. These are the abominations that seek to plague the multiverse and corrode order in all of its facets. They are no different than Tanar’ri in several regards. They seek destruction, decay, desecration and general defilement.
Fair reader, you may inquire, why should you align with the Sheens of the Rust War? Simple, to preserve some semblance of your own reality. The Biomechanicals will stop at nothing to corrupt all reality into another one of their sick gains. Not only will they make artifice resemble its worst capabilities, but they shall drag the organic down to its most base and primal urges merged with its most sinister. While many have criticized the neutrality pact with Baatezu, they are masters of law and how to use it. Many will willfully upgraded in an effort to bring the Chaos scourge to its knees. Likewise, several goods have been traded between both our factions and theirs. However, this is no extension of the Blood War. This is an extension of Law, in an endless battle against Chaos. However, the acceptance of one other orderly group is not enough to turn back to the tide of an eldritch and apocalyptic horror. You, mighty denizens of Sigil, are needed to help suppress a force that would seek to consume and destroy reality as we know it.
Searching for Bekezira
Helo, denezins of Sigil! I bring you urgint reqest! Great Hell Cat has gon missing! Waz last seen in Hive Ward, Rag Picker Square! It big and red, hates lite a lot. Very unfrendly and qick to attack. Do not frighten! Simple, just use Sessphenire name, will make her nice agan. How iz she diffrent? Lots of black stripes go throo-out! Bred by powerful Baatezu, really big fellow, solid deals in ekzotic pet shop near edge of the Hive! Please look for Flickery-Finger in Rag Picker’s Square!
The Brawlin’ Bastards Recruitment
Do ya fear nothin’, ya sore n soggy git? Nah, ya don’t! It’s why ya got this flyer! Cuz you’re a brutal blood who is up for boppin’ a few skulls and bashing a few bashers. And nah, ya don’t need weapons! We’ll show you how to be the weapon instead. That’s right, with your body. Extend your very being into something that’ll bring shock and terror into your enemies, all by teaming up with us. Of course, it ain’t just about fighting, there’s tons more. And ya ain’t an addle cove either! It’s why you can scroll through this and get what we’re after! You’re a brainy berk out to let the world know! So, time to know what we’re after. Let’s have a look, eh?
Being a Brawling Bastard is a badge of intimidation, might and trickery. We’re a bad bunch o’ bloods who fall to no one, NO ONE! You wanna be a Brawling Bastard? You gotta be in top of the highest burg physical shape! You gotta have a real clean body, readied to bring others to the cleaner. A sip o’ bub once in a while is good to wind down, but none of that to trash yer soul! Plus, fitness is key. If we gonna scare the jink outta witless cagers, you gotta bulk up, you gotta get big! Little to no blubber, all muscle! And when you got a target, don’t hold back, everything of theirs is rightfully yours. Of course, a good job has a good getaway. If you can’t give ’em the laugh, you ain’t a Brawling Bastard, you’re another sod penned in the dead book. Of course, when you’re one of us, you’re family. We’re a fraternity, some sorority is okay too! We ain’t ones to discriminate, so long as you follow what we ask. If we’re doing things for crowds, you also got to put on a good show. We’re known for our top notch fighting skills, after all.
So, lemme break it down for you. Looking for someone who is:
* Physically powerful
* Good head on your shoulders
* Not weighed by deep scruples
* Nimble and quick to flee
* Good at scaring
* Capable of representing the Brawlers
* Loyal to a good cause
Recruitment shall be 4 volleys past afterpeak, at the Bottle & Jug. If you’re wanted for auditions, you’ll know where to find us. If ya ain’t? Well, pike off then!
TOP SECRET LETTER
Your work involving the Spelljammer Ward was a thing of brilliance. Contraband spices and herbs, as well as a mixture of various rare ingredients, you just can’t get that sort of thing through customs within The City. Try to bring it into the Bazaar, you only think you can get away with it. But, the backdoor usage of that club and their flying ships. That’s pure genius. But, should you need an extra hand, I think something can be arranged. After all, a respected client should be given what he needs to ensure success. And by all means, anyone who shows their support and aid for me only deserves the same. If I may grant some personal advice to you, there will be some associates dwelling in the Fortune’s Wheel. Keep an eye out for the way to the Azure Iris. Within this letter is a pass that will grant you access to one of the rooms. I look forward to working with you in the future. But, in the meantime, this correspondence will be almost as brief as this letter. Likewise, you shall coordinate with a proxy… Not a Proxy of a Power, but one could argue far worse. Don’t do not dawdle and do not fail. To do either is to have this message literally explode in your face. And even then, fate will not be with you should this happen. There are greater things to fear than death.
AN—HISTS IN D–GUISE
The Harflar In—–te has been infiltrated by The Rev—tionary League. They seek ——- private information regar—- patients for their own twisted agendas. Don’t let them! Should you find a—hing out of the ordinary, please rep-rt it to a superior immediately. ——archists are unknown in number, but they always have their flaws shine thr—h at some point. Be ever vigilant, lest they sneak past you. If it comes down to it, take action to pre—-e the integrity of our physician facility, but only do so in self-defense or last resort. We do not adv–ate for violence here. <Too drenched in blood to be comprehensible past this point>
SEARCH WARRANT NOTICE
By declaration of The City Court and verification of The Hall of Records, The Harmonium has been given permission to perform a thorough search of the establishment known as “Ritual of the Heart”, a dining and lodging facility found within the Lower Ward, by Iron Avenue and Newgate. This action is to be conducted at the height of peak within 3 daily cycles from notice. Failure to allow entry is obstruction of law and obstruction of potential evidence. Retaliation induces charges of battery against law enforcement, aiding in suspicion of conspiracy, as well as obstruction. Sweeping the buildings for secret chambers will be mandatory, as well as compulsory examination of staff. Seizure of suspicious or harmful items will accompany investigation, including evidence to suggest crimes.
Reasoning for the search was caused by numerous filed complaints, as well as notices for missing persons who had visited the Ritual of the Heart as patrons. Accusations of unsanctioned practice of dark magic have been made in effort to push for investigation, but have turned less evidence. Likewise, rumors of hidden accessible portals have been pressed for investigation. Evidence has been put forth that the inn has hired an unregistered shapeshifter, particularly a werepanther. This will actively be pursued before probing is to begin. The owner of the inn, Greilinia, will be held in contempt until this course of action is completed. Any negative actions can and will be held against her. Judges Belglosia Finsk and Garvin Gorb have granted approval for these lawful courses of action.
By decree of the Harmonium faction, all officers assigned to this investigation must maintain absolute professionalism. Likewise, all conducted examinations must be extension, in the event that Greilinia and her Inn have been victims of slander and falsified propaganda. Furthermore, even with subjects held in contempt, they are to be treated with respect and courtesy as long as they are acting with the law. Anything short of this is unacceptable to our standards. Please consult your superior for further debriefing on the situation.
-Harmonium Officer of Lower Ward Garrison, Ulfensen