“Are you still here? It is good to be a dedicated shopper, but closing hours draw near. A busy body must always prepare for the next day’s wave of customers and curators. But, Zam’Dul is patient! You shall be helped in finding what you seek. Rest assured, the store likely has it. Now, do follow and be shown many fine wares! But, please do so quickly… Pushing customers after closing is such a bother.”
Welcome back to another revisiting of the bizarre bazaar! As always, Zam’Dul awaits customers with a fine assortment of majestic and obscure magical treasures. Sure, he’s looking to close down for the night, but mark my words, he has plenty of oddities to showcase as always! Sure, some seem familiar, but others are new sights to behold.
Author’s Note: It’s kinda ironic and hypocritical of me. I’m not too content with reprints of spells and whatnot in the currently-new Xanathar’s Guide to Everything. And yet, here I am, posting updates of older items I made in the past. Not really a statement, just an observation. Anyway, I hope these updates address some mistakes I made in the past, while highlighting which items I really liked a lot!
Also, I hit 250 posts! Hooray!
Bladed Lady Rag Doll
Wondrous item, common
“Wait, how did this end up in the shop? There have been a lot of stories from fanatics and imbeciles regarding this doll. A whole bunch of mad suitors who wish to be with an enigmatic being known as ‘The Lady of Pain’, who rules of a planar hub known as ‘Sigil’. All of those stories ended tragically, with people disappearing or peeling like an opened fruit. Zam’dul can sell this for cheap, just be sure not to get yourself killed.”
A worn out doll of some sort of strange vaguely female humanoid figure. It has a wreath of blade shapes around its head.
This seemingly ordinary doll is both useful and incredibly dangerous. The user can focus on the doll and, with an action, make an arcana check to discern where the Lady of Pain and her Dabus are within the confines of Sigil. The DC is dependent on what ward of the city that any desired target is in. The closer either subject is, the easier the check. However, it is more than likely that the Lady has taken offense to your use of the doll. Should you be caught messing with the doll too much, the Lady will eventually catch up to you; resulting in either flaying or being sent to a maze demiplane of her creation.
Brass Efreeti Ring (Cursed)
Ring, rare (Requires attunement)
“The City of Brass is a harsh urban landscape within the Elemental Plane of Fire, where Efreeti rule supreme over lowly servants and slaves alike. The more material planar sods they scoop up, the better for them! And by all means, this ring’s use is exactly for that. Or rather, it’s given to some servant or the like and used to help pick out all sorts.
The ring is a powerful object used to help find slaves for the grand rulers of the city. As per its name, it has has a regal brass tone to it, as if it was constantly shined and well cared for.
When attuned, the wearer gain an assortment of abilities. Once per long rest, you may use an action to dominate any creature of the Elemental type. This otherwise works like Dominate Monster. In addition, you may open a dimensional gateway to the City of Brass once per long rest. You and up to one other creature can join you into the portal. However, you may attempt to bring a non-willing creature with you if they fail an Intelligence saving throw (using your spell save DC). You are immune to any fire-based effects while in the City of Brass. You also gain resistance to fire damage in general. If you have resistance to fire, you gain immunity instead.
CURSE. You have been marked by the Efreeti. Should you die while attuned to the ring, your soul is immediately whisked away to The City of Brass, where it is in the clutches of an Efreet Sultan. While this is the case, you cannot be resurrected through any power short of a Wish spell. The soul must be retrieved in order for the victim to be revived normally.
Cold Iron Weapon
Weapon, Uncommon, Rare (+1), Very Rare (+2), Legendary (+3)
Seeing as many hunters saw the fey as a threat, they took to very brutal measures to combat them. Seeking out specialized metals, they forged treated weapons capable of striking right into their very souls. These cold iron infused items are part of a deadly arsenal capable of striking absolute terror into faerie kind. After all, cold Iron is antithetical to the fey on all regards. This weapon is imbued with some sort of divine power that seeks out fey in particular, hitting them heavily with extreme prejudice. Now, this sort of racial prejudice… it’s certainly problematic. And, is this supporting a market that enables this sort of thing? Zam’dul does not think so. Use this responsibly and don’t cause a genocide.
There is a strange glimmer and shine to this weapon, as it’s made with a strange sort of metal that carries a magical power. Against the fey, it is a true force to be reckoned with.
When you attack a creature with the fey typing, you gain advantage on that attack. In addition, the first attack done against that fey creature for the round deals an additional 1d8 damage. Sunsequent attacks do normal damage against fey, but still grant advantage. For every +1 bonus it receives, add an extra 1d8 to the damage against fey as well.
Cooking Shield of Redundancy
Armor (shield), common
“This one was conceived by some sort of madman! Seriously, who would graft a pasta dish onto a shield? It’s pure madness. At the very least, for looking as ugly as it does look, it carries some hidden magic to those willing to overlook some flaws.”
This curious shield has no crest upon it, plus it’s designed quite odd. In fact, it looks like a holed pot used for cooking noodles! Or rather, one refitted to work as a shield, barely.
When the wielder is the target of an attack, they may use a reaction to activate it’s internal magic. This causes the shield to cast the Shield spell. This may only be used once per long rest.
Enchanted Plague Doctor’s Mask
Wondrous item, rare
Zam’dul’s research into the arcane can tell you that this mask is no ordinary one. It is true, most of these plague doctor’s were charlatans and opportunists who chased after tragedy. But, this one was owned by a true physician and arcanist. Who was this? Unknown. They have sadly faded into obscurity, but their relic lives on to tell their tale. This mask is special, it observes how healthy or how sickly a creature is. Sometimes, it can see how close one is to death itself. However, the secrets of death are slightly tainting and should not be dabbled with lightly.
This mask has a peak-like shape curving downward, with two punched out holes for the eyes, lined with a obsidian glass-like lenses. The mask likely had a more lively cream-like tone but has faded more towards a light grey over time. Inside of the fragrance holding nose of the mask is crumpled up flowers, incense and spices that all seem well preserved.
Following an attunement period of at least a long rest, the user may gain the insight of an archaic plague doctor. They may use their action to study a creature. Upon doing so, they can discern their current health as well as any conditions or issues that they may suffer from. While observing the shape of the “patient”, the user doesn’t need to make a knowledge or medicine check.
On top of that, the mask has a more sinister power. As an action, once per long rest, the user may learn how close a creature is to dying. In addition, the user is granted a vision that details how the victim is likely to die in the near future. These visions aren’t certain.
CAMPAIGN OPTION: CURSE. There is a downside to using to using the mask’s ability to foresee/study one’s death. While the user is still living, they register as “undead” for effects of various magical effects like the “Detect Good and Evil” spell or the paladin’s “Divine Smite” ability until they take a long rest.
(This version of the item is not meant to be cursed, but this could add some fun flavor for more dark and gothic games.)
Wondrous item, rare (Requires attunement)
This is a flight machine that is worn like a traveling pack and activated through a button. However, don’t be too hasty with activating this contraption. For if you do, you might uncontrollably zoom across a wide range of areas at incredible speeds. Oh yes, and you will most likely crash into something and do much damage to yourself. It would be bad. Now, if you are responsible, it is a like a pair of steel wings is taking you to new heights! Quite literally, in fact!
This chrome device looks like a metallic backpack with pipes on the lower end, a few buttons and boxy attachments for ventilation, grip among other things. Like a backpack, this item can be safely secured onto an adventurer’s back, sliding through the arms and latching onto several compartments. Two buttons on each side of the wearer must be pressed in order to activate. Upon activation, the user can fly.
Instead of moving normally using your movement, you may choose to activate the machine. The user may move up to 40ft. in the air; granting them a flight speed as such. However, they cannot ascend more than 20ft. up or down per turn, even if they use the dash action. Inside of the device is a self-powered battery that runs for up to 4 hours. At the start of each hour, a charge is used, even if the user ends use of it early and does not continue throughout the hour. The machine remains active for the hour that the charge is burned. When the pack runs out of charges, it ceases to fly. Any creature in the air while this occurs will likely fall. However, at the end of a long rest cycle or 8 hours after going idle, the pack recharges automatically.
Grandmother’s Magical Wash Rag
Wondrous item, common
This one belonged to a reformed hag, commonly called “Grandmother”. Yes, you ask, a reformed hag? Such things exist and are far from impossible! The planes work in mysterious ways. No matter, story goes that she loved wandering to the nearby village and taking the dirty items of the children to clean with her incredible cloth. Eventually, she taught the locals the art of enchanting their own cloths so they too could clean with ease. Sadly, her tale ended by a troop of wandering heroes who mistook her for a mischievous swamp witch. Upon returning to the village, the adventurers were savagely beaten and hung. However, her beloved tales and the “secrets” of her cloth have been shared, far outliving the forgotten murderers.
This cloth is a simple dully colored square larger than your hand. Embroidered on it is the image of a smiling elderly woman, wrapped in garb around her head.
When wiped along the surface of an object that has become dirty, the cloth instantly removes it. However, inherently magical filth requires something more powerful, as the cloth can only handle mundane grime. Otherwise normal filth conjured by magic can still be cleaned through this rag. It never becomes dirty, no matter how many times it’s used and always smells like fresh laundry left to dry upon a windy mountainside.
Pendent of He Who Smiles (Cursed)
Wondrous item, uncommon (Requires attunement)
“This one was crafted by mad cultists in dedication to some long forgotten deity. These pins channel the power of the mysterious being simply known as “He Who Smiles.” The pins themselves were mostly given out in initiation ceremonies for new recruits looking to be brainwashed by unholy eldritch power. However, one of these strange things came into our clutches! And wow, is it creepy!”
This smiling token courses with a sinister power. When attuned, you feel more aware of distant realms and horrid things. You gain proficiency in Intelligence (Arcana), Intelligence (History) or Intelligence (Religion) checks while the ring is attuned. However, when you use the check for gathering information on dark cults, aberrations or taboo lore, the proficiency is doubled. Furthermore, you gain resistance to Psychic damage.
CURSE. When attuned, the power of “He Who Smiles” warps your mind. You begin to feel some sort of connection to this ancient being, who is now worthy of your worship. You must dedicate some sort of deranged display in his name at least once every 24 hours or succumb to a temporary form of depression. This could range from praising him in tongues to doing some sort of ritual (such as sacrifice, crafting an unholy implement or sculpture in dedication or the like). Should you fail to do this, you suffer from the effects of “Divine Despair” (Shadowfell Despair, DMG P. 52) until you take a long rest. Characters can make a saving throw during said long rest (DC 15). Success ends the effects until they fail to fulfill their devotion to “He Who Smiles” once more. Failure results in enduring the effect until they next take a long rest.
Ring of the Silver Flame
Ring, uncommon (Requires attunement)
What is the Silver Flame? The denizens of Khorvaire will attest it’s a force for good. As for their church? Many are skeptical. This ring was given to members of the church who had proved that their mission matched theirs, whether that be purging dark horrors in the world or going on some crusade to banish what they deemed bad. Zam’dul does not get involved in religious politics, especially on a world where divine forces are ambiguous!
A gem with the emblem of a divine light etched into it is cradled in a golden ring, crafted with utmost love and attention. It seems to radiate a divine heat to it, making it warm to the touch. Those who typically wear such ring are devoted to the holy cause of The Church of the Silver Flame. In fact, many ranking people of note (including the Pope of the church) are said to have rings themselves. While many choose not to wear them (as the tradition is meant to help neophytes on their journey), they still remain attached to them. It is likely that this one was separated from its original owner.
You are capable of conjuring divine flames to smite blasphemous foes. Choose one of the following cantrips, it may be cast at-will: Control Flames, Create Bonfire, Fire Bolt, Sacred Flame, Word of Radiance. The ring also contains 4 charges to it. The following spells consume 1 charge each: Armor of Holiness*, Burning Hands, Divine Favor, Fiery Rebuke**, Guiding Bolt. Once all charges have been used, the ring goes inert. After a long rest, the ring regains 1d4 charges. These spells can only be cast at level 1. The casting stat for the ring is either choice of Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma. Once chosen, it cannot be changed while the user is attuned to this item. If the user already casts spells, these are not added to lists of spells already known, but are independent.
* Spell functions as Armor of Agathys, but deals radiant damage instead.
** Hellish Rebuke, minus the infernal flavor.
Armor, uncommon, rare (+1), very rare (+2), legendary (+3) (Requires attunement)
Shapechangers and armor aren’t usually good allies. However, some sort of spiritual warrior found a way to meld the two, at least so say the legends. In fact, Zam’Dul has met such a being! They sold one of the armors after a demonstration! Their tale speaks to Zam’dul though, for they were outcast for their fascinations with steel and machine! But, they became a friend of Zam’dul and wanted one of their work to be in my store, as a sign of friendship and commerce. While Zam’dul waved goodbye, I saw an armored bird fly from my shop. Shapeshifters are fascinating.
While attuned, anyone proficient in this armor can shapeshift in it. When a creature changes shape into a form that wouldn’t normally accommodate their current armor, the armor changes to better fit the wearer’s new form. This armor stays constant in all forms, plus it allows other garments and clothing to change shape with it instead of falling off or tearing.
Tongue of Flame Wand
While not one of his most powerful artifacts, this one carries a level of infamy. Surely, you have heard of a deranged pyromancer known as Ignus? In short, he burned a large chunk of The City of Doors before facing a grueling punishment, becoming a conduit for the Plane of Fire. He still rests in the Smoldering Corpse Bar to this day as a macabre centerpiece! He left this wand behind, unleashing one of his hand crafted spells.
This eerie wand looks like a cross between splintered bone and magma flow. Its contrast of dull grey tones and fiery reds and oranges make it look truly sinister.
The wand functions exactly like The Wand of Magic Missiles. It has 7 charges and requires at least 1 charge to use, with each additional level beyond 1 using an additional charge. After a long rest, it regains 1d6+1 charges, not exceeding its maximum. Like the original wand, if all charges are used, roll a d20. On a 1, it crumbles into ash. However, this spell does fire damage, but otherwise functions like Magic Missile.
In addition, the spell “Tongue of Flames” is available to Sorcerers and Wizards as a 1st level spell. As written above, it functions like Magic Missile, but deals fire damage. They cannot learn the spell from the wand, but they could be taught it by someone else or devising how the wand works once they learn magic missile.
Justicar, The Crusader’s Hammer
Weapon (sword), legendary artifact (sentient, requires attunement from non-chaotic and non-evil creatures)
“Ah, the blade forged for a mighty paladin! Well, it was meant to be. Said paladin fell to a shadowy evil. In fact, the sword turned him and slayed him for his departure from good. It was an epic tale spanning many planes. While distraught over this act, it has continued to see new swordsmen over ages, in hopes of finding a paragon of good to help use it for true justice. Many were adequate, but they never completed the journey it asked them to embark on. It can tell you more. The sword talks, by the way.”
This sword was forged with intense precision and meticulous detail, etched with various symbols of virtue, justice and general goodness. While faint, it glows light blue with a welcoming but mighty power; implying its glorious nature. When touched, it seems to respond as if the hammer is aware. A faint angelic hum and whispers can be heard.
Despite aspiring for goodness and order, Justicar is a Lawful Neutral intelligent weapon. While it looks like a hammer, it functions with the maul as written in the Player’s Handbook. It has an Intelligence of 15, a Wisdom of 14 and a Charisma of 19. It has hearing and darkvision out 120 feet. The hammer is capable of speaking Common and Celestial. It also knows Infernal, but refuses to speak it. Plus, it can understand whatever languages the wielder knows. It speaks in a confident and rigid tone, but rarely sounds overly aggressive or forceful. Its voice is proud and mighty. It’s purpose is simple, to dispense justice to those who do wrong and to aid heroes on a quest for righteousness. However, should the hammer come into contact with any item it considers chaotic or evil, it will vocalize its disdain.
While the wielder remains attuned to Justicar, they may be granted a variety of abilities.
Personality. Justicar wants little more to do than right any perceived wrongs, as well as champion order and law. To it, there is no ill deed greater than crime done out of hatred, malice or spite. However, justicar also frowns upon crime done out of desperation, but seems relatively understanding if the circumstance calls for it.
Magic Weapon. Justicar counts as a +3 Magical Maul, granting a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls. In addition, it functions like Defender.
Aura of Truth. Part of upholding justice is remaining truthful. The sword emits an aura that works like Zone of Truth, but out 60 feet instead. All creatures that enter that aura are subject to its effects. Any attempts to get rid of the aura only suppress it for up to 1d4 hours.
Celestial Aid. If you are holding the hammer, you can use your action to cast the guardian of faith spell from it, bringing forth the guardian to aid you. In addition, you may use your hammer to cast “Detect Good and Evil”. Each of these spell-like abilities may be used once. You can’t use either property again until the next dawn.
Dumbstruck in Awe. Justicar can unleash an incredible display of cosmic light and might, amazing and terrifying foes who stand in its way. As an action, you create an incredible dazzling effect. All creatures that can see Justicar within 60 feet must make a Wisdom saving throw (DC 16). Any creature that fails the save is either charmed or frightened up for to 1 minute. However, they may make the save again at the end of their turn. Creatures that succeed are immune to this effect for 24 hours. This ability cannot be used again until the next dawn.
Random Properties. In addition, this weapon has the following random artifact properties.
- 1 Major beneficial property
- 1 Minor beneficial properties
- 1 Major detrimental property
- 1 Minor detrimental property
Destroying the Hammer. Justicar can only be destroyed by a chaotic or evil weapon of legend. And even then, this is only possible when a creature is not attuned to the weapon.
Image Credits: Sigil, the City of Doors – Tony Di’Terlizzi, Flame Stoneplate Ring – From Software, Wand of Fireball – Karen’s Korner, Armor Bear – Riccardo Fasoli, Plague Doctor Mask – Church of Halloween, Lady of Pain Rag Doll – Kristian Brevik, Cold Iron – Pat Loboyko, Distressed Smiley – Unknown (still), Golden Genie Ring – Unknown (still), Pasta Drainer – Bellemain, Sewing in the Middle Ages – Egerton Genesis Picture Book, Jetpack – Warhammer 40K (Games Workshop), Moonlight Sword – Bloodborne, Hammer of Zeus – God of War