Why hello-li-lo-li-lo! The name is Jermaine! Funny name for a guy like me, I know, but I’m the one and only! I know what you’re about to say… What am I? Don’t worry, I am not offended, not in the very least! I love to talk about myself! I am of the Arcane and I am here to serve you. These robes I wear, they are ceremonial, for the high holy act of commerce and trade; a sacred practice among my people. My people have scoured wild space, the planes, the multiverse, you name it; we have visited it! Many like me collect all sorts of oddities for my “bizarre bazaar”.
Unlike that barmy star berk, I assure you that my wares are much safer… and much fairer of a price. My associates procure a wide variety of simply marvelous items from all over all known realities, the price you pay matches the story and the piece! Now, what is my specialty? Why, I collect and craft technological crafts empowered by The Art… That’s “magic” for the clueless out there. I’ve rambled far too long… So my lovely observers, do you see anything you like? Hmmm? … Oh, and one more thing! No refunds, a merchant has to make a handful of jink somehow. Ya hear me, baby?
Author’s Note: I’m back with another contribution to the RPG Blog Carnival! This month’s theme is gonzo cross-genre gaming, hosted by Cross-Planes! Find out more HERE. Also, stay tuned for my theme post next month!
If there is one thing I love, it’s magitech! Sure, most of my planar items count as this already, but I wanted to try something new. In fact, I made a new shopkeeper narrator for the occasion as well! (Don’t worry, Zam’dul isn’t going anywhere, Jermaine promises this!) Here’s a sampling of technomagical devices for your games! And yes, Scaramouche from the Samurai Jack miniseries inspired Jermaine the Arcane. I also went a little crazy on these, so they might be a tad unstable.
Mole Machine (Uncommon)
“This little contraption is so cute, isn’t it? Now, what exactly does it do? Well, it really enjoys digging holes… I speak of tunnels big enough for you to crawl into, which might be good for getting away from particularly nasty foes. Plus, it’s not bad at holding its own too! I’m reluctant to part with something rather adorable, mind you…”
This creature is a deactivated construct, in the shape of a mole-like animal, despite being mechanical in nature. The mole machine sits dormant, awaiting the command words (“Mole, Move Out!”) to animate it. The construct will loyally aid whoever awakens it through creating holes or fighting by their side. The construct uses the following stats:
Small construct, unaligned
Armor Class 14 (natural armor)
Hit Points 22 (4d6 + 8)
Speed 30ft., Burrow 30ft.
STR 11 (+0) DEX 13 (+1) CON 14 (+2) INT 10 (+0) WIS 10 (+0) CHA 10 (+0)
Skills Acrobatics +3, Athletics +2
Senses Darkvision 60ft., passive Perception 10
Languages One language known by controller
Challenge 1/2 (100 XP)
Repairable. Upon falling to 0 HP, the machine falls into an unconscious state. As long as the machine isn’t destroyed following that, it can be repaired over the course of a long rest. Upon doing so, the mole machine regains its hit points.
Tunnel Digger. The Mole Machine can burrow a hole with its movement speed that’s big enough for a medium creature to fit comfortably. Trying to dig a hole under an enemy provokes opportunity attacks. If hit, the digging is interrupted and the hole is not made.
Digging Claws. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 8 (2d6+1) slashing damage.
Crystal Ray Gun (Uncommon), +1 (Rare), +2 (Very Rare), +3 (Legendary)
I don’t use guns, myself. It’s not that I have a problem with them, it’s just that a bunch of brutish and thuggish Giff pirates… No, not GITH pirates… Giff pirates! Yes, those Giff! Anyway, they raided one of my caravans with the… oooo… damned things. I’m willing to discount this item, if only because I encourage you to take it off my hands.
This peculiar firearm has a sleek and alien aesthetic. While most in your travels are powered by alchemical substances or smokepowder, this one has a slot for magical crystals to be popped in. Siphoning their energy, they unleash blasting beams.
Utilizes renaissance firearm stats, counts as magic item, uses charges instead of shots. Damage is switched to force damage, instead of normal damage. The crystal contains 6 shots. By itself, the crystal regains 1d4 charges per long rest. An empowered crystal costs 20 Gold to obtain.
Mechanical Knocking Key (Uncommon)
The Knocking Key? You’re not some kind of thief, are you? Well, maybe you fancy yourself as a spy or freedom fighter… None the less, this little treasure is really good at popping open locked doors! Well, that is, if you’re in tune with its waves and frequencies and all that business. Don’t have too much fun with it, please!
An ornate wand-like device emits a sonic hum. By some great techno-magical power, the waves from the wand cause locks to shift and either lock or unlock. In some cases, the wand may prove a challenge to use though. Also, too much reliance could leave someone stuck in a bad situation, as it runs on a decent battery power.
As an action, the user may attempt to unlock a lock using the device. It is pointed at the lock in question and the user rolls an Arcana check while spending a charge from the wand. The DC to unlock the lock depends on the quality of the lock, as well as the material of the door as well. The typical DC is 15, but modify using the table below:
- The door itself is wooden +10
- The lock involves some slightly more in-depth mechanics, like a number lock +5
- The lock is heavily mechanical and extremely complex, with an assortment of strange internal devices inside +10
- The device far more technologically advanced than you are used to +5
- The technology is a level lower than what you are used to encountering -5
- The lock looks faulty or not of great quality -3
- You’ve encountered a lock like this before -2
The Key contains 4 charges and regains 1d4 at the end of a long rest.
Psionic Passport (Rare), attuned
I know what you’re thinking, ‘Jermaine! This is just a piece of scroll paper sandwiched between leather!’ I would say you are incorrect. This kind of strange paper has the ability to display all sorts of helpful information. More specifically, it shows the kind of information you need for a situation. Let me show you how it works…
This slip of paper within a leather wallet is normally completely blank on its own. When a target focuses in on it, the paper displays some sort of identity or some revealing information relevant to a situation. In reality, this is a mind-affecting psychic power that scans the target’s mind for anything the paper can use against them.
When a target that is not the attuned user looks at the paper for more than a brief moment, they must make a Wisdom saving throw or have the paper scan their mind. Mere moments later, the paper than transforms into a card detailing whatever information is as advantageous as possible for the situation. If the target succeeds their save, the paper displays nothing, only portraying itself as a blank piece of paper instead. Others who observe an active psionic passport may attempt to see if it’s fake with an Insight roll. However, they have disadvantage on their check. This paper continues to display this fake message for either 1 hour or until it’s no longer relevant to the situation. However, each time the paper is activated, it consumes a charge. Whenever the paper must create another identity, a different charge is expended. The paper has 3 charges per day, which are regained after a long rest. Should the charges run out before it has time to regain them, the paper will display blank. Any unused charges are discarded at the end of the day or at the end of a long rest.
Flight Pack (Rare), attuned
It’s a flight machine, to be quite honest with you. You strap it on you, like you were a back bag or fine accessory and press a button, and zoom, you’re soaring sky high! Well, if you can control it. But, by all means, have a look… I can’t let you try it out though, you might break it.
This backpack like device comfortably slides through the wearer’s arms and latches onto the back. With the pressing of two glowing buttons, the user is instantly propelled into the air.
As an movement, the user may activate the flight pack. The user may move up to 40ft. in the air; granting them a flight speed as such. However, they may only ascend or descend 20ft. per turn, even if they take a dash action to move twice. The battery on the pack runs for 4 hours total. Each usage lasts for an hour and may be ended early, however doing say drains the battery as if the full hour was spent. At the end of a long rest or through 8 hours of being idle, the pack recharges.
Temporal Distortion Grenade (Legendary), single use
Don’t tell anybody that ol’ Jermaine is carrying contraband, because they’ll have my head. And baby, that means I get fair claim to YOURS! Pleasantries aside, this bad boy right here is a super duper weapon of epic proportions… it might just mess up the lot of time itself! To be honest, something like this hasn’t been used before. Also, the supplier who obtained this baby was shot dead. Ya know what? Forget I brought this up! Wait… YOU WANT THIS!?
Inside of a grey metal box are glowing orbs with a deep black sheen to them, giving off a distorted glassy reflection. On one part of it is a light grey button, that initiates countdown to explosion, before releasing a temporal field around the explosion point.
As an action, you may chuck an activated grenade. Upon detonation, it releases an energy field that is 15ft. in radius from touch down point. Everything in the field must make a DC 15 Intelligence saving throw. Anything that fails is temporally locked in place for 1d4+1 rounds. Anything that succeeds has their speed halved and able to attack only once while in the zone. Targets who succeed are immune to this item for 24 hours.
IMAGE: Mole Robot – Sonic the Hedgehog (SEGA), Retro_Raygun – donsolo, 12th Doctor Sonic Screwdriver Toy – BBC, The Doctor with Psychic Paper – BBC, Time Disruptor Grenade – TimeSplitters Future Perfect; Arcane – Spelljammer, TSR Inc.
Warhammer 40K is property of Games Workshop. Doctor Who is property of BBC. TimeSplitters is property of Crytek (?)
Created by Doctor Necrotic, for Doctor Necrotic Media.