Muscle Wizard – An Absurist Wizard School for D&D 5th Edition

No explanation needed

Some wizards are driven by specific arcane studies, while others want to augment an aspect of life or society through the powers of magic.  And then there’s others that want magic to augment their bodies in a unique way.  Some suggest the monks are driven to alter themselves through spiritual teachings.  Many mages have witnessed their teachings and have applied similar principles to magical study.  And thus, the “Muscle Wizard” was born.

To a Muscle Wizard, physical fitness is just as important as mastering arcane studies.  While they are not as enduring as warriors, the Muscle Wizard is just as extraordinary in their ability to dish out absolute physical punishment on top of magical craft.  Many go on to become mentors for those who wish to fuse martial prowess with arcane arts.  In fact, they’re among the first attempts at doing so.  However, their history likely goes back to trade lines between mageocratic settlements meeting with monks who ended up sharing disciplines, philosophies and spiritual teachings.  As the two concepts began to mingle, they merged into a style all their own.  While not as able to master spiritual disciplines of the self and not as able to master specific aspects of magic, this arcane school is more than happy to throw a magical fist in the face of anyone who dares to belittle it.


Author’s Note:  WE TAKE A BREAK FROM OUR GOTHIC THEME FOR AN IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN!  Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone!  As always, I love making absurdist and silly posts every year.  And by all means, this one is no exception.  Originally, I was creating a hybrid of the Fighter and Monk to create a more martial and less mystical brawler class for 5E.  Sadly, that idea fell apart.  A ways later, I decided to make a mock write up for the Muscle Wizard as a joke.  Somehow, the meme stuck and became this year’s April Fools post.  How about that?

That said, a word of warning.  This subclass was tinkered with on a whim, rather than made with absolute balance in mind.  Because of that, it might be a tad on the unbalanced side… a sort of beefed up Bladesinger if you will.  Needless to say, I might revisit this at some point and use it as inspiration.


I Cast Fist – When you first take up this archetype at level 2, you gain the Monk’s Martial Arts,  as applying to unarmed damage.  The damage scales like monks as you gain levels.  In addition, you can channel Fist Power.  In order to channel it (and use sub-class benefits), you cannot have anything in your hands, including an equipped shield.  However, you can use your fists as a focus for your spells.

To activate Fist Power, you must expend a spell slot as part of your action.  By doing so, you gain one of the following benefits:

  • You may Flurry of Blows as per the Monk ability as a bonus action.  All attacks for that turn count as magical.
  • You may use a Cantrip instead, as a bonus action.
  • Once per long rest, you may use a separate spell as a bonus action.

You may use this ability once per short rest.


Muscle Defense – Upon reaching level 2, your physical prowess and magic merge together, making you harder to hit.  You may use an action to channel both sources of power into your defense.  While active, your Armor Class is equal to 10 + Intelligence modifier + Strength modifier, as long as you are not wearing armor.  This effect otherwise works like the Mage Armor spell and can be dispelled as a result.  Once this ability wears off, you must take a long rest before using this ability again.


Fist of the Wiz Spell – You gain Extra Attack, as per the blade singer ability, once you reach level 6. Alternatively, you may use Extra Attack to attack with an unarmed attack and cast a cantrip spell, if you have one available.


Hard Hitting – You gain Stunning Strike, as per the Monk ability, when you reach level 10. However, you expend a spell slot to activate this ability instead.


So Much Fist – At level 14, you have reached the pinnacle of Muscle Wizardom.  When you spend a slot to activate I Cast Fist, it remains active for 1 minute instead of 1 round.  You may also add your Intelligence modifier to your total damage.


Image Source: Muscle Wizard – 4Chan /TG/ Board

Made by Doctor Necrotic, for Doctor Necrotic Media.


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